Just a Gneiss Guy

Join Gold Key!!

I haven’t posted in a long time. There are a few reasons, one being that I’ve been pretty busy and also that after last year I haven’t really wanted to say much. I’ve pretty much just kept my tumblr so I can read some other people’s blogs from time to time. However, I do have one thing to put out there for anyone who might see it. The Gold Key tour guide organization will be putting out applications soon and I urge everyone who is interested in being a tour guide for Smith to fill one out!! I know I had some serious critiques of my situation last year and I do not recant those critiques or diminish their importance, in their appropriate context. However, the organization and office overall are great and do very important work, of which I am proud to be a part. Being a tour guide can be a great experience. You get to be the first face prospective students see upon arriving at Smith. You can tell your individual story to them: why you’re here, your passions, what Smith has done for you, and of course, why they should go here too. At the kickoff meeting for the spring this past weekend, I noticed as I have for the past couple meetings that there is very little visible diversity among guides. Of course, we are all unique, with our own stories, but there are many groups, many faces that I see around campus whose faces I do not see in proportional numbers amongst those in the organization. In general I believe more international students, greater racial diversity, greater diversity in major (where my science majors at? where my arts majors at?), and of course, greater diversity in personal and gender expression would more accurately reflect the Smith which I see when I walk around every day. Students of all types are needed and wanted by Gold Key, this I do still strongly believe. If you feel intimidated because you don’t see other people like you in the organization but are interested in being a guide, be the one to change that. You never know when someone could really benefit from having a guide like you. So, come one, come all, fill out those applications!! When they say “This is Smith”, we can make sure it’s really true.

*edit: note to male identifying students (practice does not include gender variant, genderqueer, trans* etc. students) you will not be hosting overnights as one of your duties. This practice may be disagreeable to some of you, but just know that being a guide can be very rewarding. If you disagree with the status quo it’s even more important to join the guides, to be an advocate for yourself and your friends, for your place in your community, to show prospectives (and the school) how much Smith means to you. Like I said, you never know when a prospie might come along who really needs you to be their tour guide. We were all there once. Don’t forget what it’s all about.

Hosting Issue Update

I’m not sure who is still paying attention to what I post on here besides my closer friends, but in my jitters preceding an important meeting tomorrow, I thought I’d follow up on last spring with an update.  I’m meeting with a small group of administrators and other students tomorrow during lunch, the second such meeting since what I refer to as the Gold Key Shit Show Spectacular last spring. The last such meeting was pretty unproductive, though a nice enough gesture. It was attended by myself, the Dean of the College, the Dean of Students and an Associate Dean of Students, the new Director for Institutional Diversity, the Director of the Admission Office, the outgoing and incoming SGA diversity reps, the former chair of Central Board, and the incoming co-chair of Transcending Gender as well as another trans student. No improvement was made on changing the policy banning male students from hosting and no further discussion really occurred to nail down specifics and scope.We got caught up, somewhat on purpose I worry, in larger conceptual ideas about trans students on women’s campuses, a danger which always seems to accompany discussions like these about specific issues regarding this community.

I am hoping tomorrow will settle this issue in a more concrete way. While I and others, I’m sure, would like to see male students be allowed to host, I know this is extremely unlikely to occur. The administration is unwilling to yield on this. However, I, in conjunction with a couple other students attending the meeting, have three points we want suitably addressed tomorrow and a policy designed that adequately answers them. I’m laying them out here so that my intentions are clear and anyone who bothers to still read this is kept in the loop since negotiations disappeared from the public eye once exams hit.

 A policy that purposefully excludes a group from an activity otherwise open to all students without restriction, based on a characteristic which does not inherently impede their ability to perform the activity appropriately is discriminatory. It creates classes or levels of students, those who have all privileges at our institution and those who do not and who now may feel uncertain about what other privileges they may lack as a result of this upset. If the time can be taken to so forcefully insist on this discriminatory policy as a measure for protecting the good of the college, so too should the time be taken to rigorously examine the intent, scope and plan for enforcement of such a policy. Operating under this assumption, I believe the following questions and requests are necessary:

1. What is the scope of the policy? Who does it ultimately concern? In answering this question I believe the real answer to the question of intent will also be determined. Will the policy be male identified students may not host or will it be only female identified students may host? The distinction between the two is important. One allows genderqueer, trans* identified students who do not identify as male, and any non binary identified individuals to host, the other defines the only acceptable host as female identified and excludes all others. The definitive answer to this question is required to move forward.

2. Tacked on to the above, in what terms will the policy be stated? Will it be based on categorical definitions of hosts allowed and not allowed ie. male identified, female identified, non-binary identified or will it allow for case by case, individual determinations? I do not believe case by case decisions should be made, particularly as a solution to the question of non-binary identified students. This makes the decision personal, about the particular characteristics of an individual student (the exact problem most people seem to have had with my situation, even if they agreed with the ultimate decision) rather than about a group exclusion based on a principle or value of the institution. It allows for the question to become about masculinity, is someone too masculine to host? This cannot turn into an arbitrary policing of gender expression.

3. How will this policy be enforced, once a decision is made as to who it includes and excludes? I believe questioning a student about their identity or making assumptions about them based on characteristics of any sort as a basis for determining their inclusion in hosting activities is inappropriate and harmful. I believe the only solution that will protect against this is to rely upon the honor code/ signed contract of the student upon joining Gold Key. Students should be responsible for following the rules of the organization (or event, like open campus) they participate in and thus, if they determine that they do not fit the categories of persons allowed to host, it is their duty to come forward themselves and opt out of hosting. This will then require however, that no action be taken by any individuals in the Admission Office or Gold Key organization to determine the identity of a student for the purpose of denying them hosting ability. No questions will be asked, no third party anecdotes as to the identity of an individual will be accepted. Only the statement of a student establishing their own identity will be considered proof that they should be excluded from hosting. This should apply in all cases, not to be abused even if staff should believe a student to be hiding their identity as there is no appropriate way to determine this. Honesty and Trust should be the rule.

I’m not posting to get myself reblogged all over the internet, I’d prefer not to see that happen again. I just know that things got crazy at the end of the year and  I wanted to give people a little reminder that it’s not over, nothing actually got done. I’m not allowed to host this semester (though I am guiding) and the future of other hosts is uncertain. The toll it took on me and the others heavily involved last semester was enormous and I feel really apprehensive to be taking this on again. But, I don’t want that time and energy to be wasted, to see nothing get done, to have put this all out there only to hear a few years down the road that another guide is going through the same thing, or that open campus hosting has turned into a witch hunt. I want my effort and the effort of everyone who was concerned about this to be worth something. So I’m preparing to go in there tomorrow and lay it out like this:

Just kidding. I hope tomorrow goes well and I have good news. I do worry though that these meetings have been arranged as a nice gesture without real intent to answer the questions that need attention. If tomorrow is less than satisfactory, I hope we still have your support. Wish us luck. Smith can do better than what happened last year and I really hope they agree to make the arrangements to make sure it does in the future.

Sigh

I don’t know if I had a giant neon “harass me out your car window” sign on tonight, but on two separate occasions I got things yelled at me by dudes in cars. At Umass a car of guys called me a faggot (sorry bros I don’t actually want your penis) and upon getting off the bus at Smith some guys in a shitty truck flashed their lights at me, pointed and yelled something like “you’re a winner.” So either my striped button down, cargo shorts, athletic shoes and baseball cap made me look like a gay man or like an asshole?

Also, at what point do people start thinking yelling shit our their windows at random people just going about their daily lives is okay? Like, did your Dad do that? Did your Mom not beat you enough as a child?

Questions I often have.

Shit son, it’s Senior Year! Otherwise known as: Where did 2008-2011 go?

Uh…….I have less than a week til my last band camp with the Umass marching band. My 8th and last year of marching. My 11th and honestly, probably last year of regularly playing trombone in an ensemble. And only a few weeks til my last convocation* at Smith College. Jesus.

*However it is worth noting that this year’s convocation is likely to be all I’ve ever wanted in a scantily clad mob of school spirited humanity as Hubbard House’s 2011-12 theme is: From Hub with Love. A witty James Bond theme. Plenty of bond girl, martini, and bow tie shenanigans to be had. ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. 

Martini shenanigans already happened, it was called my 21st birthday. That ended poorly. Moving on..

I wanna go to college fo’ the rest of my life…well no, not really but still…

Not to put the pressure on or anything, but this here is my last chance to make my time at Smith worthwhile. Not that it hasn’t been to date, but we’re hitting the last lap now and if there’s a time to get my shit together and make the most of the race, this would be it. Yes that was a NASCAR analogy. No I haven’t been home this summer. Yikes, Virginia is rubbing off on me and has staying power too!!

Everyone keeps being like “It’s your senior year, aren’t you excited?” And I’m just like….hell no. I’m a huge sentimental softie and have a hard time with endings to anything. The end of the Harry Potter series made me feel like an amputee. How do I get through a year of lasts? Last time this, last time that. Seriously though, it seems like I have so much to do in one year that it’s not even possible.

So far the only thing on my Senior List (top secret and/or not officially thought out yet) that I know will happen is this: 

Achieve my undergraduate career goal of No Class on Fridays combined with Thirsty Thursdays.  Pleased to announce this has been accomplished for my fall semester (minus the afternoon outdoors adventure sampler class I’m auditing because I’ve already taken advantage of all the ESS credits I am allowed. Don’t have to go if I don’t want to! Also there’s band. Shhhhhh don’t ruin my happiness…)

I guess that’s all I can ask for right now right? Figuring out my life, getting a job lined up, making Jacob Brian Pecht a visible and legal man, all a bit too much to handle right now. I lied though, I am excited. There’s a lot to look forward to, it’s just scary standing on the brink.

For the first time

There’s been a cheesy song on my mind lately, For the First Time by The Script, which has gotten me thinking a lot about love at first sight. No, that’s not what the song is technically about. But the line about “meeting for the first time” reminded me of that old cliche most people don’t believe in, falling in love with someone at first sight, like in the movies.

I’ve fallen in love at first sight. But by that I don’t mean I fell in love upon first seeing someone’s physical appearance. Jury’s out on that one, but I don’t really think it’s probable.  People definitely fall into infatuation, which can turn into love, upon first physically seeing someone. What I’m talking about though is a redefinition of what we mean when we say we see someone, what our first sight of them really is.

I can see a random girl on the street with my eyes. I can think to myself whether she’s attractive to me or not. But I’m not actually seeing her. Not seeing what makes her tick, what’s important to her, how she laughs, how she cries, what the things are she doesn’t tell anyone, where she wants to be in 5 years, where she was 5 years ago.

First sight of someone, to me, is the moment when you feel like you’re meeting them, the real them, for the first time. Like in the song. I think to be able to fall in love with a person at first sight is to be in a place where you are really looking at them, or can’t help but to really see them. You are at once both unprepared for what you find and also looking and ready to see it. It’s a moment of clarity where you first see a person for the many things they are and what you see is what you want, what you need, or both. Realizing there is so much more about them you don’t even know yet, but you know that you want to find out.

So, if I think this, then isn’t all love technically love at first sight? No, I don’t think so. I think you can really see a person, but if you aren’t ready for what you find, it may take awhile. Some love grows. Some hits you upside the head. Some you were just waiting for and didn’t even know it until it’s there. It’s the last one that I’m talking about.

I fell in love at first sight when I wasn’t in a position to do so. I didn’t know that I was ready to meet a person who fit all the things I needed and wanted. I thought I had done that already, but I really wasn’t asking myself honestly what those things were. And then, I met a girl. I didn’t fall in love the moment we sat across from each other in class. But I did after going on long field trips, spending late nights in the cave, being rescued from miserable Friday nights alone in the Egr lab with pizza and a movie. I did after hearing her laugh at my bad jokes, seeing her cry (not about me haha), hearing her sing along with bad 90’s music videos I played on youtube. After she showed up to my last football game and stayed through our entire senior show of 5th quarter marching band. After talking about anything and everything. Finding all our similarities and all the differences and reveling in both. After geeking out together. After talking and disagreeing and convincing and learning to see another side (and/or getting put in my place once or twice =p). Seeing her wake up in the morning all disheveled but always beautiful. I fell in love after, before, during all those things, because I was finally seeing the person for the first time who was everything I wanted. Miss you R.

Smith acknowledges first years might have differing gender identities? Really?

Just noticed references to gender identity in first year orientation groups http://www.smith.edu/sao/firstyear/registration.php/ particularly the Social Identities and Self Discovery group. As in groups that seek to bring together people of different _____(insert differing factors into the blank here, including gender identity)to learn from each other and make connections. That’s great and all except 1. since these groups are self selected, how are they actually going to get a diverse group of people and 2. since when does Smith knowingly admit first years with a gender identity other than female?

I was given the distinct impression, well no actually in conversation someone from the Admission Office came right out and said during the debacle in the spring, that if someone indicates they don’t identify as female in their application it doesn’t look good to the officers. I’m guessing they don’t usually get in. I mean, people might be smart enough not to say anything on their application to a women’s college that they don’t strictly see themselves as female or even that they are starting to se themselves as male. But there’s still something strange here. If they wouldn’t knowingly admit such students, why are they suddenly all about having them in the first year class and having conversations about it? The upperclassmen who come out after being here awhile are tolerated by the college and supported by res life and some departments etc., but coming right out and acknowledging gender identity diversity amongst the entering class that only a few short months ago were sending in their applications seems….uncharacteristic. And also hypocritical.

I guess I just get tired of cute gestures like this when in reality it doesn’t mean much. How likely is it that there will end up being a lot of gender identity diversity in these groups? Whereas letting these same students actually meet and spend a day (and heaven forbid, a night) with a person with a gender identity different from their own was out of the question 3 months ago. Before they sent in their acceptance letters. Call me cynical but….there you go…

Oh wait, that was a different issue wasn’t it? One where I was a big scary man trying to get these little high school girls to stay in my room. Or where I was going to misrepresent the college to prospective students because they might be “expecting” a female host.  Just like they might be expecting their fellow first years to identify as female too.  Just like they might expect their first year roommate to identify as female. Where does someone’s right to their expectations being met over the rights of others actually end? It would seem those rights end when the tuition checks start rolling in.

It may seem small, but these are subtle things, subtle attitudes and I really see a discontinuity here. Is it only okay to expose new students to different gender identities once they have agreed to go here or is it only okay if they self select to be open to learning about it? Is it not okay to force the gender issue on people as I was so charmingly told by some but rather let the open minded choose to learn more and leave everyone else in the dark until they meet their next door neighbor when they move in?  Which is a conversation that pretty much goes like this: ”hey ya’ll, how’s it going? I’m Jake and I’m the dude living next to you, knock if you need help moving stuff in or hanging your posters so the tack holes don’t show.” Not that scary. Just like an overnight with me wouldn’t have been either. Sigh. Oversimplification I know, but still…the whole thing is food for thought. For now I’ll just try to be positive about the fact that they have included it. Maybe someone will benefit from it.